We do not become mature by default. Age does not mature a human being. Unlike the natural world, humans have this thing called freewill.

A bottle of wine matures by default. Humans do not, if they so choose. A 70 year old can be as mature as a 17 year old.

The reason for such immaturity is because someone that old may not have chosen to let go of his self-limiting beliefs, or hurts, or fantasies.

Maturity means we make a decision. Sometimes these are tough decisions. But it is the journey that we all must take. Maturity means accepting the truth that we as humans have freewill. Negatively put, it means that humans are condemned to be free. But in a divine viewpoint, we have been given the gift of freewill. And that with freewill comes responsibility. It also means that there are consequences to our actions that what we say do or even think has an impact.

On a side note, I just noticed in the newspaper today that even terrorists can be charged and jailed for plotting to blow up a building, even though they did not commit it. I wonder if it can be compared to what Jesus said, that a man has already committed adultery just by lusting in his heart. Even though the man did not commit adultery, he was already plotting to do it.

But going back to the idea of change, we change first in our minds. It must start with our hearts and minds to make a decision and a decision can only be made when we have gone through the facts, and accepted certain facts as truth.

Perhaps that is why journaling is such a great tool in maturity. At the end of each day, we write down what happened, we search our feelings, our thoughts. We write down our decisions and the consequences of those decisions. And by examining them we strive to understand the truth, accept reality and make appropriate changes in our behaviour. And by so doing we become even more mature.

I couldn't help but wonder the implied implication that Cowboy Caleb equates love with sex.

Love isn't sex. If a man truly loves a woman he will honour her and NOT have sex with a woman.

If a woman cannot have sex does that mean a man can leave her because he cannot have sex and henceforth cannot love her? In fact, quite the opposite, it is the test of a man's love that he will remain with her despite not having sex.

Despair is the ultimate development of a pride so great and so stiff-necked that it selects the absolute misery of damnation rather than accept happiness from the hands of God and thereby acknowledge that he is above us and that we are not capable of fulfilling our destiny ourselves.

But a man who is truly humble cannot despair, because in a humble man there is no longer any such thing as self-pity.

Thomas Merton

But I realize that "Just Don't Do It" is an equally good motto. I know a couple of friends who will just give me "the look" if I even mildly suggest something that is off track. "The look" tells me "don't do it!"

If some activity has no benefit but plenty of pitfalls, their "just don't do it" message gets me on track. There are some things that we should just not do. Not because of being holier than thou or to be better than the fellow man or even as a programmed parent-child ego state response, but just because there is absolutely no benefit and plenty of drawbacks. That look that my friend gives is one of "don't be a stupid fool", and to tell the truth, I'm thankful for my friends for it.

The term being holy doesn't seem to be one that is common in our everyday language.

Yet that is part of the identity of a Christian. We are chosen, holy and dearly loved by God. But somehow we don't behave as if we were. Being holy means we are special in the eyes of God.

Do we believe we are special? It doesn't mean we are better than our fellow man. Its not that we are cleverer or more beautiful than others. But it's just the realization that our position is different in the eyes of God. And because of that, we should walk with our heads straight, not down.

Because of our position, we should behave in ways that befit it. How would we expect the King of England to behave? How should we expect an ambassador to behave?

Imagine a prince or emperor goes out to visit and mingle with his people. But he is in disguise. He comes out in disguise, sometimes as a beggar, sometimes as an engineer, sometimes a teacher. In this disguise, he is sometimes respected, but often times looked down and insulted. Yet does the treatment he gets while in disguise entitle him to behave unroyally? No, while he has not revealed his true identity he must maintain his dignity. No matter the situation he is put in, as long as he remembers his identity he can maintain an attitude of self-respect and servanthood.

Being holier than thou is a form of pride. But we must remember that our fellow man is also a fellow prince, the only thing is that he too may not realize it or refuses to acknowledge his identity. You may as well be proud that you are human.

But back to holiness. Realizing that we are holy allows us to even do menial things with dignity. It gives us also authority to rebuke (or overlook) insults. The more we realize our identity, the more we will change our behaviour.

It is because we are holy that we do not engage in impure behaviour, actions, thoughts or speech. It is because we are holy that we have esteem. It is because we are holy that we can do the simplest task with dignity or achieve great things with confidence.

The photo on the right is the teeny tiny earpiece we used as actors for the gag. The director would give instructions through it. It's as small as a single peanut seed. But it costs S$2000.

It was a great experience. I worked with the director Dagan for a special gag. (I won't reveal what it was, but it will certainly raise a few eyebrows).

Lessons learnt from the audition process and actual shoot:

For JFL gags, if yours is the first on that day. Don't be late. Every bit of sunlight is important to squeeze in more takes. If it's an 8:15 call time, be there at 8. I'm glad I took a cab. Filming was good to go at 8:30am.

Bring a mirror with you on shoots, its easier to see your expressions and know what the director wants. In fact, bring a mirror during rehearsals, so you'll know what he wants. It's hard to create a certain expression without seeing what you are doing right or wrong.

Wear a singlet underneath your shirt to absorb sweat. It's hot filming during the day time outdoors.

Wear something with a plain colour. Stripes may cause a shimmering effect for the camera.

If you're shooting a kissing scene, floss, mouthwash and brush your teeth before the shoot. Bring breath mints as well.

If you are bringing a partner for an audition/shoot, always have a backup in case she backs out. Always explain to the partner what the shoot entails.

He piques your interest in success with down-to-earth descriptive stories about hockey players and anticipates some of the objections that you would raise and rebuts them with other examples to put forth his case.

The first chapter was an eye opener on how birthdate can affect the success of a sportsman or even a student. That 12 month gap between a student born in January versus one born in December can have a profound effect on his or her success. Much like a 0.01 degree in trajectory can cause a vast difference in location after travelling hundreds of miles, so birth month can cause differences in selection, coaching, and promotion.

The second chapter though reinforces one age old maxim and breaks a modern myth. It says that you need to work hard to succeed. And that, very hard. Having the talent is the seed. But when you are comparable to another seed. The thing that makes a vast difference is the number of effective hours you put in. 10,000 hours versus 8,000 hours is the difference between being a star and a professional. I.e. 25% more hours spent per day or week makes the difference between a star and a professional. A professional programmer may spend 40 hours. A star programmer spends 50 hours.

The problem with Geniuses part 2. I think that this chapter will change the way we think about parenting. That good parents are interested in how we learn and behave. That we don't see them as "cute" or "ways to get attention". That we learn to love them as they truly are. Not as how we see them as. That way, they get the social and emotional security to survive in this world. Because success in this world involves navigating the social arena. Nobody in this world succeeds through his own effort alone. He does it with the help of other people.

The three lessons of Joe Flom (a successful lawyer specializing in takeovers and mergers).

1. Importance of being Jewish. Being Jewish back then, meant being discriminated. In the end, Jewish lawyers had to find a niche in an overlooked specialization of takeovers and mergers. By the time the 80's came about. This specialization became valuable and the Jewish lawyers experience in it brought them to the top.

2. Demographic Luck. Being born in the right year is important, just as being born in the right month is important to the hockey player. He was born when his cohort was small. There was better teacher-student ratio in school. It was during the depression. His teachers in school were overqualified for their jobs.

3. The Garment Industry and Meaningful Work. He was in a culture that allowed him to learn about business. Because the garment industry allowed him to get understand market forces, negotiation,

In the second part of his book, Gladwell touches on the legacy of our cultures. He illustrates this using the example of Korean Airlines which had the worst flight accident in the world. The problem wasn't in their airplanes. It was human error that caused their crashes. And human error in the pilots. The Korean language has several ways of denoting respect to authority. And because of this hierarchy of authority, the co-pilot could only politely tell the pilot in hints that what he was doing was wrong.

Another aspect of a culture is their language. Chinese are better at math, not just because they study hard but because of their language. Twenty is spoken as "two-tens" whereas for english it's "twenty". I extend this to think that perhaps that's why Malays have trouble in Math. It's because their language have entirely different wordings for 11 and 21.

Next, it's the agricultural background of a society, wheat growing cultures think of getting spring breaks, whereas rice growing cultures must work all year long. Even more interesting, foraging cultures like bushmen don't work hard because their food is plentifully found.

In the end, Gladwell concludes that success is owed not only to hard work, but to the right timing, right culture, the right opportunity, even right skin colour. Even the best seed needs to have the right conditions of the soil, sunlight, and rainfall to grow to be the tallest.

Shaw Centre and Wisma Atria were quite conscientious in turning off their lights as was Ngee Ann City. The bad boy in Orchard Road was the Heeren which was still brightly lit as I walked along the road.

Surfing the net, playing computer games, talking cock.

What we really need is to really have in mind what is the purpose for every moment.

But it's tough. Why, because thinking is tough. Thinking of what we want for this moment, of taking responsibility for each moment, for each word that we speak. It's something that doesn't come naturally.

It is easy to do whatever comes to our eyes at that moment, a TV program, a newspaper article, an email. But thinking "What is the most important thing must I do?" is hard. Secondly, actually doing it is hard, not physically hard, but the inertia of moving our bodies based on what we command it to do. Doing chores for example is easy. What special skill is there in sweeping the floor or doing the laundry? But it's hard because our flesh doesn't want to do it, even though our mind and spirit wants to do it.

I think perhaps one idea to realize is that we must relinquish our lives. Life is like that. We don't control our environment, but only how we respond to it. I wish that there were never any chores to do in life, but life is like that. There are so many things that we wish in life, but in reality is different.

I wish that I had more time in the evenings when I come back from Bible study or from rehearsals. I wish I could learn the guitar, learn martial arts, learn dance, and so many things. But life is limited. In reality, minus our sleep and working hours, eating, exercising, we only have about 2-3 hours of free time each day. I wish it was 5, but it isn't.

I wish I was a better teacher, actor, had more money, had my own house, were married to a beautiful wife, more intelligent, more confident, had a better body, had better business skills, had better credentials, more loving.

All these are good, and some I am right now working on accomplishing but we have to have priorities, do it step-by-step, have a plan on how to do it, and constantly monitor our progress towards them. But we have limited resources. Time, money (I can't afford a maid to do my chores), relationships, physical limitations (I realize I need 7.5 - 8 hours to be in peak mental condition), mental limitations (I only know so much, I've only learnt so much).

So, we have to make decisions on how we use it. Letting go of one thing for what we must decide is the most important. Sometimes I think that the distractions that we allow ourselves to get distracted with are our way of avoiding facing the important questions in life. What is the most important thing I have to do? What is my purpose in life? How am I going after it?

But whatever our condition, God asks what we do with it. I am not Bill Gates or Warren Buffett or Steven Spielberg or Hugh Jackman. I am Nicodemus Chan. And that speaks something. And I can do something about it. God can use me.

The real break is in eternity when we join our Lord and Heavenly Father above.

But in the meantime, there's still goals to achieve, things to accomplish while on this earth.

Success doesn't belong to the clever. It also belongs to those who appear to be clever. But if you don't think you're clever yet know that you have to appear to be clever to succeed, doesn't that make you clever?

Inspired by:

Epimenides the Cretan says, "All Cretans are liars". (The Epimenides Paradox)

Justice must not only be done, it must also appear to be done. - Lord Hewart C.J., R. v. Sussex Justices, Ex parte McCarthy

The same goes for skills like programming, photoshop, social skills, speaking. You can read about it but you also need to do it.

And it's not just reading what the manual says. There is a culture, conventions and practices that go with it. There are certain habits that good practitioners of the skill do, even without thinking because they understand there are certain pitfalls and safeguards to prevent.

A car is a 3-dimensional object, but it is created in 4. The fourth dimension is time.

Anything that we want to create needs the 4th dimension to be taken into account.

Writing a poem, installing a water heater, assembling a jigsaw puzzle. Time is the fourth thing to take into account.

Everything in this world also takes up space in 4 dimensions. You and I occupy space. But we also occupy time. We are born at a certain moment and we cease to live at a certain point in time.

It makes it easier for us to manage when we realize that and its effects on our planning. If we forget that time is needed even to walk from the bus stop to the MRT it makes our estimation inaccurate. It's like thinking that a piece of paper has no thickness.

I think that is the reason for some of the mistakes I make in estimating and managing goals. Because the 4th dimension was neglected.

I wrote in a previous blog entry that a lot of people go about life aimlessly without realizing that they will die. They are forgetting they don't just exist as a 3-Dimensional being also live in the fourth dimension of time.

1. A black shirt.
2. A white shirt.
3. A black pair of trousers.
4. A pair of black shoes.
5. A business suit.

And while being good in itself, it is not the same as "to do good" or "to love your neighbour".

Having a philosophy of doing no harm does not compel a person to do good. It is not a proactive way of life. It is a passive way of existing in the world.

Whereas on the other hand, to love your neighbour, to do good is a proactive way of living life. It is a way of living life that means getting involved even when it is uncomfortable.

Just as a dentist may cause pain while extracting a decayed tooth, loving your neighbour may mean that you may even cause pain while doing good. It won't harm, but neither will it be painless.

In this modern world of comforts, we have come to shy away from discomfort, from painful realities that must be faced. Life in the post-modern age has shied away from ideas like bravery, boldness, and responsibility creating an unbalanced moral structure.

Love means going deeper than mere civilities, than just discussing the weather and being good in small-talk. I need to ask myself, how have I done things that caused me to go beyond my comfort zone, to do, to give, to ask, so that a greater good can be done more than for my own selfish convenience.