Saturday, March 25, 2006

Goal Setting

We have to differentiate between different kinds of goals.

A goal is a "mental projection of something we wish to achieve within a given period of time."

It is important to differentiate between a 'result' goal (winning the league) and a 'process' goal (measurement of strength, fitness, speed, etc).

We must have learning goals: "What are you going to learn today? What are your concrete learning goals other than that you'll just go out and train?"

Differentiate between:
  • Security goals
  • Realistic goals
  • Barrier-breaking goals

The dangers of only working with 'realistic goals':
Danger #1: As soon as goal is reached or nearly reached, mental energy sinks. E.g. Mats Wilander wanted to be #1, once reached couldn't sustain desire to maintain it. Bayern Munich led 1-0 till 2 minutes left of injury time in the Champions League final 1999. Lost 2-1.
Danger #2: It can function as a barrier instead. You only do enough to reach the goal.
Associate feelings of joy, freedom, and opportunity to barrier breaking goals, never demands or obligations. It should never feel like failure or disappointment if we do not reach that goal.
The main function of a barrier-breaking goal is to prepare the subconscious for the idea that we want to go further than we previoiusly thought was possible.
E.g. A high jumper that regularly jumps 2.30 and sometimes 2.33. A conventional trainer would say 2.40 but instead have 3 goals:
  • Security goal of 2.30
  • A realistic 'jobbing' goal of 2.36. Not impossible just a bit higher.
  • A barrier-breaking goal of 2.42

Effective Goal Requirements:
  • Goals must be concrete. It cannot be "we must improve" or "I'll do my best"
  • Goals should be consciously accepted by all those who are to attain them.
  • Goals must be connected to the daily grind
  • A goal must be sufficiently high. Can it be too high? Yes, then the athlete defends himself agains it. But neither too low or there is no pulling power.
  • Goals must be anchored in self-confidence
  • Goals must be accepted mentally and accepted completely. The problem is not setting up the goal--it's getting it accepted mentally
  • Goals must be learnt systematically

Mentally Accepting Goals -- Progression:
  1. We don't accept the goal at all
  2. We accept the goal intellectually but not emotionally
  3. We accept the goal both intellectually and emotionally, but only consciously.
  4. We fully accept a goal, both consciously and subconsciously deep down. Our goal then becomes a part of us, not simply something that we have 'set up'

It is always the subconscious that wins.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006


Development of Boundaries:
  • Bonding: The Foundation of Boundary Building

  • Separation and Individuation: The Construction of a Soul

  • Hatching: "Mommy and Me Aren't the Same"

  • Practicing: "I Can Do Anything!"

  • Rapprochement: "I Can't Do Everything"

Boundary Injuries: What Goes Wrong?"
  • withdrawal from boundaries
  • hostility against boundaries
  • overcontrol
  • lack of limits
  • inconsistent limits
  • trauma
  • our own character traits
  • our own sinfulness

Ten Laws of Boundaries
  • Law #1: The Law of Sowing and Reaping
  • Law #2: The Law of Responsibility
  • Law #3: The Law of Power
  • Law #4: The Law of Respect
  • Law #5: The Law of Motivation
  • Law #6: The Law of Evaluation
  • Law #7: The Law of Proactivity
  • Law #8: The Law of Envy
  • Law #9: The Law of Activity
  • Law #10: The Law of Exposure

Boundary Myths
  • Myth #1: If I Set Boundaries, I'm Being Selfish
  • Myth #2: Boundaries Are A Sign of Disobedience
  • Myth #3: If I Begin Setting Boundaries, I Will Be Hurt By Others
  • Myth #4: If I Set Boundaries, I Will Hurt Others
  • Myth #5: Boundaries Mean That I Am Angry
  • Myth #6: When Others Set Boundaries, It Injures Me
  • Myth #7: Boundaries Cause Feelings of Guilt
  • Myth #8: Boundaries Are Permanent, and I'm Afraid of Burning My Bridges

I Do Look Like Bae Yong Jun!

Proof at last!!!!!!! (Okay, only on my second try...)

Go to to try.

Thanks to Mr Brown.

Monday, March 20, 2006

We're All Autistic in Some Way

Somehow, in life, we are all imperfect in some way. We all have some form of weakness or deficiency in some way.

Everyone of us has something that limits us or has some need that only others can meet.

Even Dustin Hoffman agrees.

What's Your Nerd Score?

I am nerdier than 85% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!
Take a Nerd test at

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Self Confidence vs. Arrogance

Self-Confident talk is "I want, I can" rather than "I must, I should, I shall".

There is a difference between "hating to lose" and "daring to lose". Good sportsmen have both.


SELF-CONFIDENCE consists of three parts:

  • We accept ourselves--the good as well as the bad.

  • We firmly believe in our resources.

  • We have fundamental security.

COCKINESS is often a defence mechanism for people with poor self-confidence. For instance, to be able to reveal that we are insecure often requires a good deal of self-confidence.
 SELF-CENTREDNESS means that we believe that the world revolves around us. Also a sign of poor self-confidence.
 CONCEIT is shown by people who not only accept themselves uncritically, but also overestimate their own worth. They only see their good side, and never the bad.
Paradoxically, revealing we are insecure ourselves shows a good deal of self-confidence ARROGANCE is used by people who have to push others down in order to raise themselves up.

Creating self-confidence, separate the person from the performance. Self-confidence is actually being able to have control over oneself and one's performance. Our performance is always going to vary--nobody can always be at the top.

Self-Confidence is intimately connected with motivation.

Motivation has several building blocks:

  • Trust as the foundation.

  • The 'we' feeling.

  • Variation in training.

  • Everyone's views must be valued.

  • Openness and clear information.

  • Encouragement.

  • More play.

Use model training, simulate the conditions in which you will train, including the sounds of the stadium, etc.

  • Self-Confidence is the most important psychological factor in your performance.

  • Self-Confidence is dependent on your basic personality, various situations, and other people.

  • Self-Confidence is governed by security, which is dependent on your social-environment--especially in adversity.

  • Adversity can be utilized for positive training.

  • Self-confidence is positive, while conceit is negative.

  • Enjoyment is a factor in performance.

  • Seriousness is a different thing to solemnity.

  • Self-confidence can be actively worked on.

  • "Whoever is not crazed by success will neither be broken by adversity."