Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Permissions in Life

Sometimes in life there are some things that we do not allow ourselves to be because perhaps of our upbringing. Transactional Analysis lists 12 permissions that we need to give ourselves to succeed in life, these are the permissions that are needed because often in life we are given injunctions by our parents or others, Bob and Mary Golding discovered the 12 injunctions. Here are listed the injunctions and the permissions that we must have to counter them.
  1. Don't exist.

  2. Don't belong.

  3. Don't be a child.

  4. Don't think.

  5. Don't be you.

  6. Don't be close.

  7. Don't grow up.

  8. Don't succeed.

  9. Don't be important.

  10. Don't be well/sane

  11. Don't feel.

  12. Don't enjoy.

  1. Permission to exist.

  2. Permission to belong.

  3. Permission to be a child.

  4. Permission to think.

  5. Permission to be oneself.

  6. Permission to be close.

  7. Permission to grow up fine.

  8. Permission to succeed.

  9. Permission to be important.

  10. Permission to be healthy/sane.

  11. Permission to feel feelings.

  12. Permission to be enjoy.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Another Reason to be Married and Stay Married???

Marriage builds wealth more than being single? - Yahoo! News

Another reason to get married?

I think the reason is that once you are living with another person, you become more aware of your wealth and about saving money rather than risk your disposable income on risky investments or lavish doodads. Your overhead costs are also decreased, and your assets are larger like a bigger house, etc. Furthermore, you have another voice of reason in your ear and someone to bounce your ideas on.

TV Fast, Day 22

Besides having a fast food fast, I'm also having a TV fast. I'm not watching TV for 40 days starting from the 1st of January. (I've only broken it when I went to friends place to watch some soccer as a promise.)

The reason I'm doing it is because I learned from time management books that the #1 thing that eats away time in our lives is... TV!

It is the one most biggest time waster in our lives.

The other reason is that when I read Bill Gates biography, he was not allowed to watch TV on weeknights but instead played games, board games, card games like bridge and poker, etc.

So what do I do to get my media fix? The BBC.

Listening to the BBC allows me to learn more and think more about events around the world than just plain watching TV. Listening to EPL commentary on the radio spurs your imagination and your vocabulary skills.

It was through the BBC that I learned and started my interest in philosophy, one of the programs was called "Philosopher's In a Nutshell" and they discussed Descarte's "Cogito Ergo Sum". (And it was really useful, that question came up on Singapore's Brainiest Quiz Show).

I'm rediscovering the imagination involved in using your voice to communicate, listening to radio plays and sports commentary and the way to argue a point on some issue on some discussion shows.

Another progam that has influenced me is "Just a minute" a long running game show where contestants have to speak for 1-minute on a topic without repeating any word or point, pausing, or uttering "...errrsss" or "ahh...". Not easy. That in turn piqued my interest now to join the Toastmasters to develop my public speaking skills.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

The Psychology of Winning: Positive Self-Control

The Positive Self-Control of a Total Winner is acceptance of 100% responsibility for causing the effects in his or her life.

Winners realize they personally have the power to take control of many more aspects of their lives, both mental and physical, than were heretofore thought possible. They know that barring organic damage or congenital faults, self-control is the key to both mental and physical health and can contribute enormously to total well-being.

Losers say: "I can't understand why life did this to me."

Winners say: "I take the credit or the blame for my performance."

Instead of biorhythm computers, astrological signs, gurus, cults, and the government--YOU take the credit for determining, creating, making your own place in this world.

You're in the driver's seat in your own life. In many respects, you've exerted control since you were born and cried for milk and a dry diaper.

You can learn how to respond and adapt more successfully to the stresses of life by accepting responsibility today for causing your own effects.

You alone hold the key to your reactions to people who want to rain on your parades.

Remember, it's not so much "what happens" that counts in life; it's "how you take it."

The real essence of Positive Self-Control is that everything in life is volitional and that each of us has many more choices and alternatives than we are willing to consider.

We even have control over body functions that we thought were purely involuntary.

Winners do make it happen for themselves.

Take Action Today for More Positive Self-Control:

  1. Take the blame and the credit for your position in life honestly and openly.

  2. Use the volition of "I've decided to," in place of the compulsion "I have to." Use "I'm more comfortable doing this," in place of "I'm afraid to do that," the inhibition, as a condition for non-participation.

  3. Carry the affirmative motto: "My rewards in life--will reflect my service and contribution," with you in every daily transaction.

  4. Learn how to relax mentally and physically naturally instead of using drugs, stimulants or depressants.

  5. Set a specific time frame each week, preferably each day, to initiate action letters and action calls in your own behalf. Don't wait for invitation to succeed--you'll go into the Loser's Hall of Fame as one of those almost-made-its with "permanent potential." Go for it! If someone has not responded to a letter from you within two weeks, send a follow-up mailgram or call. If there is still no response, take an alternate approach with someone else.

  6. "Action TNT-Action Today Not Tomorrow" Carry this motto around with you and make it part of your lifestyle. Handle each piece of incoming mail only once. Answer phone calss as quickly as possible.

  7. Sit down and create your own best horoscope on paper. List positive alternatives to habits that you seriously want to change. Seek out authorities with proven records of success after whom to model your winning habits.

  8. For the next 30 days, go all out in your current job. Whatever you have chosen as your life's work, remember your job couldn't care less about you one way or the other--only you can take the initiative to give your job what it has deserved all along. Dedicate yourself just for one month, not for a lifetime, to giving your maximum effort to your job, your company, your routine and your service to others. At the end of that time, I think you'll find yourself renewing your dedication for another month.

  9. Invest in your own knowledge and skill development. Since the only real security is the kind that's inside each of us, practice what Ben Franklin wrote: "If an individual empties his purse into his head, no one ca take it from him." Seminars, books, tapes--take charge!

  10. Set your alarm a half-hour early tomorrow and leave it at the earlier setting. Use this extra half-hour of your life to wake up and live. Use this time to answer the question--How can I best spend my time today on priorities that are important to me.